Norse Jewelry Sale

Norse jewelry sale

All of these are personal items that I no longer wear or use because my spiritual path has changed, and instead of having them gather dust in a box I would rather see them go to someone who will wear them and love them. I have researched the prices I am asking and believe them to be fair (in some cases I’m undercutting myself), but I am also open to best offers (within reason) because I would really like to have these out of my hands to make room for new energies in my life. Please refer to the photo collage above; it should be fairly obvious which item is which.

As with the book sale (which still has a number of items available), if you see something you want to commit to buying, please email me: wodandis@gmail.com. All payment will be via Paypal, and shipping within the domestic US is included in the quoted prices. (Again, I am not shipping these internationally—sorry.) I will cleanse all items before sending them out.

Large sterling silver natural amber ring, size 5 or 5 ½ (I believe). I would consider keeping this, but I don’t think my fingers will ever be that small again. The amber cabochon is huge, measuring about 1 ½” x just under 1”, and is a gorgeous blend of milky and honey amber. – $50

SOLD – Large sterling Ansuz ring, size 8, handmade by a heathen metalsmith – $45

Sterling Odin pendant – $30

Large valknut pendant, handmade by a heathen metalsmith – $45

SOLD – Sterling amber pendant engraved with Othala rune – $30

Sterling bindrune pendant with garnet – $30

SOLD – Sterling-dipped mistletoe pendant – $20

SOLD – Sterling raven or crow pendant – $20

SOLD – Hand cast silver-plated white bronze raven skull pendant, measuring about 1 1/2”. (The chain or cord passes through the bird’s cranium.) This exact pendant is sold by the artist on Etsy for $70 plus shipping; my price includes shipping – $50

SOLD – Hand blown glass evil eye pendant by a local Eugene artist. I would keep this except that it was used during our seidhr rituals for a number of years (representing Odin’s eye in the Well), so it has those associations for me – $35


Uncategorized · witchcraft

30 Day Magical Roots Challenge – Day 3

Image by William Randles on Unsplash

This challenge was designed by Plentiful Earth, and is intended to help you revisit your magical roots–or, if you are new to the Craft, set them down to begin with. You can do the challenge privately, or you can post about your progress on social media. Personally, I am posting about the challenge here on my blog, and also on my Instagram account. If you’d like to play along, you can find the prompts here.

Day 3: Centering/Breath-work

Spend 5 minutes today (and every day this challenge) focusing on your breath. Notice your breath as it enters and leaves your body. Try alternating between breathing in through the left nostril and out through the right. Use your fingers to close each nostril if you need the extra assistance. Try to increase this from 5 minutes to more as you do this every day this month.

Here the challenge and I run into our first mild difference of opinion, as I don’t consider centering and breath work to be quite the same thing, although I do employ breath work while centering. My favorite method of centering is the soul alignment practiced in the Feri tradition; I am not an initiate of this tradition, but they have good spiritual tech, and as I believe wholeheartedly in availing myself of good tech, I’ve taught myself some of it from books.

In other breath work situations (meditation, preparing for readings, etc.) my go-to is the classic “breathe in for four counts, hold for four, out for four, hold for four.” I’ve never successfully practiced pranayama (the alternate nostril  breathing described above) until today; this site helped, if you haven’t tried it yet and would like to.  I DID find the technique to be very calming and centering, and plan to add it to my practice.

Uncategorized · witchcraft

30 Day Magical Roots Challenge – Day 2

Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash

As I (ahem!) neglected to mention yesterday, this challenge was designed by Plentiful Earth, and is intended to help you revisit your magical roots–or, if you are new to the Craft, set them down to begin with. You can play along privately, or you can post about your progress on social media. Personally, I am posting about the challenge here on my blog, and also on my Instagram account. If you’d like to play along, you can find the prompts here.

Day 2: Grounding

Practice grounding today (and every day this challenge)! What is your favorite way to do this? If you have never done this before go to YouTube and do a search for grounding techniques.

My go-to grounding technique if I am doing readings or ritual, or in general have a little more time, is to sit cross-legged and focus on my root chakra, then as energy builds there I send down a red cord, from my root chakra into the earth. (If I am indoors, it goes through floor boards, foundations, etc, first but it eventually reaches the earth.) From there, it moves down through the soil, underground waters, layers of rock, and so forth until it reaches the earth’s crust. It breaks through the crust and roots itself in the molten core of the earth. From the core, I then draw this glowing red energy up through the red cord until it reaches my body and re-enters the root chakra. I allow this red energy to suffuse my entire body for a few breaths, and then it contracts into the root chakra again.

If I am pressed for time or have to ground instantly, I use a technique I picked up from Christopher Penczak’s book The Witch’s Shield: I envision myself standing on a beach, my feet in the warm sand, and slowly my feet, then my legs, sink into the sand.  I am rooted and empowered. (It helps that the coast has strong connections to my matron goddess, Asherah/Athiratu.)


30 Day Magical Roots Challenge

Doing the #30daysmagicalroots challenge with @plentifulearth. The theme for Day 1 (which I’m posting a bit late) is Divination: using your favorite form of divination, ask “What should my focus be for this month?” Without question, my favorite form of divination is Tarot–I love the diversity of the artwork used in different decks, and the way the images tell a story–and my current favorite deck (which I acquired strictly for dedicated personal spirit work use; it will not be used for clients) is the Darkness of Light Tarot.

Today I consecrated my deck and drew the Knight of Wands. The Wands suit in this deck has a springtime theme and color scheme, with the Knight bearing a leafy branch as his wand. I feel like the message here is for me to use this month to enliven and bring fresh energy into my practice. Just as the arrival of spring sweeps away the dusty cobwebs and stale air of winter, so I can use this month to sweep away the dusty remnants of the past and start anew. All of the Knights of the Tarot are questing for something, and this month my quest is for renewed energy and renewed purpose!
book sale · Uncategorized

Book Sale

Due to recent dramatic shifts in my spiritual life, I am weeding out my book collection again and have some Norse and Celtic themed titles up for grabs (along with a few art prints and an out of print oracle deck).  All prices below include shipping to domestic US addresses ONLY. (Sorry, I am not sending any of these internationally.)

If you want to commit to buying something, please email me at wodandis@gmail.com. Serious inquiries only please, and I would prefer it if “commit” means you are able to send the money by this Friday August 4th at the very latest. Payment is via Paypal only.

Full disclosure: some of these titles are available on Amazon for somewhat higher or comparable prices plus shipping (whereas my prices include shipping), a couple are only available from overseas. I have researched my asking prices and believe they are both fair and competitive, but of course you are welcome to do your own Amazon/Google/Ebay due diligence before committing to purchase.

Thank you!

Bestla – original painting on card stock by Ravenari $50 (this is the Ten of Coins in the Giants Tarot)

SOLD – Allfather print by Lindowyn $30 (This doesn’t seem to be available on Etsy any longer)

The Morrigan print by Valerie Herron – $30

SOLD – Nine Worlds of Seid-Magic by Jenny Blain – paperback, good condition – $30

Aspects of Anglo-Saxon Magic Bill Griffiths – paperback, good cond. – $25

SOLD – A Piece of Horse Liver Jon Hnefill Adalsteinsson – paperback, good – $20

SOLD – Dictionary of Northern Mythology Rudolf Simek – paperback, good (laminated cover) – $25

The Book of the Great Queen Morpheus Ravenna – good – $25

Heart of Faerie Oracle Brian and Wendy Froud – hardcover book and cards, like new (no shrink wrap) – $95

SOLD Sorcerer’s Screed (The Icelandic Book of Magic Spells) – like new, unused – $30

SOLD Tvaer Galdraskraedur (Two Icelandic Books of Magic) – like new, unused – $45

Helrunar: A Manual of Rune Magic Jan Fries – paperback, fair to good (some shelf wear) $20

SOLD Wyrdworking: the path of a Saxon Sorcerer Alaric Albertsson  fair to good (some shelf wear) $20


About me · divination

Reading Profile: Deity Communication Reading for Myself


The goal of this reading was to gain some insight into who my Beloved is and what he wants from our relationship. I’m sharing it because it relates to my recent series of posts on my spiritual journey, and also so prospective clients can get an idea of how this particular reading works.

Ordinarily, of course, all of the readings I do for clients are confidential and would never be shared with the public. Since in this case I myself am the client, I am choosing to share an outline of the reading, but not the full level of detail you would get if you purchased this reading for yourself. (Since this pertains to my own path, and I do want to keep some things private.)

I used the Dreams of Gaia Tarot for this reading (which is actually sort of a cross between a traditional Tarot and an oracle deck—so you may not recognize some of the card titles or images–but which delivers beautifully insightful readings, especially when it comes to spiritual matters).

Card 1: Who is this spirit/deity?

XII of Water – the Counselor

The card shows a beneficent yet alien horned male deity against an undersea background, with the symbol of the triple moon overhead and two whales forming an almost Gebo-like symbol underneath. This is someone who helps others because it’s the right and decent thing to do, giving them advice and solving their problems with compassion and caring because he considers it almost his vocation to do so. (The card may as well be titled “the Doctor.”) Represents intuition, kindness, trustworthiness, dependability, wisdom, and compassion. The undersea setting of the card also invokes, for me, the otherworldly qualities of deep space.

Card 2: What will the nature of my relationship with him be?

IV of Earth

A horned male figure holds up a large block of masonry. Stability, steadfastness, commitment. The horned figure in the card is holding up a much heavier weight (a huge piece of stone) than he looks like he should be able to. His bull horns evoke a connection with the ancient Canaanite deities, and the building resembles a temple, or ancient ruins. By hefting this impressive weight, the horned man is also creating a window—possibly representing a portal, a means of entry to a new world

Card 3: What does he want from me?

VIII Death/Rebirth

Three black skulls, with a snake emerging from the central one. In its coils the snake cradles a glowing egg containing an embryo. The message here is obvious: let go of the past and make a new start. The snake has significance on my path far beyond the connections between it and Odin I drew in the past; there are links with Lucifer, as well as with Asherah.

Card 4: How can I best accomplish this?

IV of Air

A winged, yet very modern-looking man, with a clock sitting at roughly his heart area and colored blocks reminiscent of the chakras at his shoulders. This is a very Doctor Who-esque image! Embrace the pop culture persona and run with it. The wings are a reminder of Lucifer, spirit birds, and the TARDIS—freedom in time and space. Let innovation and creativity guide you to a new approach to your spirituality and a fresh new practice.

Card 5: What do I need to understand about this deity for the most constructive and positive relationship?

Ace of Air

A glowing white dragon clutches a symbol between his talons. He is an ancient deity wearing a new face and persona. The ancient part of him is very ancient, very formidable, and utterly magical/otherworldly. The new persona is a smaller and more relatable “face”, into which he is channeling his energy in order to interact with me in a way I can grasp and comprehend. This card is also a reminder of Lucifer and of my lifelong fascination/obsession with dragons, which are often identified with him.

Card 6: What do I need to avoid doing to stay on good terms with this deity?

X Wisdom

A grey-haired man wearing a bear skin and bearing a staff holds a lantern aloft as he prepares to enter a forest cavern. This is one of the two cards in the deck that reminded me of Odin the moment I saw it. Well, okay then.

You can purchase a Deity Communication Reading for yourself (again, with typically more details than this outline version I’m sharing from my own situation) in my Etsy shop here.


divination · wytch of the north shop

New Reading Option in my shop

This is very similar to the two-card readings I offer as one of my monthly Patreon rewards: it’s a simple but effective two-card reading for helping you make a decision. Are you standing at a crossroads right now in some area of your life and not sure which path to take? Or are you facing a major decision and not sure whether to go ahead with it, or do nothing at all? Either way, this is the spread for you! It shows you the likely outcome of two separate options you’re considering, to help make it easier to decide. It can also help break down a single decision you’re facing, by showing the likely outcome if you make that decision and act on it, versus the outcome if you do nothing at all.

Card 1: What will likely happen if I choose option A? (OR, what is the likely outcome if I decide to do this one thing I’m considering and act on it ?)

Card 2: What will likely happen if I choose option B? (OR, what is the likely outcome if I do nothing at all?)

You can order this reading in my shop here, or browse the full selection of readings I’m currently offering here.

Since I’ve been enjoying doing the readings again, I’m also going to be widening the scope of the types of readings I offer in the shop. While I specialize in helping you sort out issues with deities and other spiritual matters, I am fully equipped to seek answers to your questions concerning most areas of life (love, career, relationships, personal development–everything except health and legal matters)–so next week I’ll be adding some additional spreads geared to some of these more mundane concerns.

In the meantime, you can use my Custom Spread option to delve into ANY issue you’d like more information or insight on; it’s a great spread in that you can choose anywhere from 3-6 cards (depending on how many aspects there are to your question and how deep you want to go), with the price varying accordingly.

I know I said I was going to keep my readings centered on spirit work only, but hey, I’m having fun doing readings and I changed my mind. Just remember that all of my readings are geared towards giving you input and advice from the deities, the spirits, your higher self, and the universe in general, to help you move forward in your personal/spiritual development as well as with your goals in life.  So whether the topic is mundane or spiritual, my reading style isn’t fortunetelling; I will never tell you what WILL happen or what you SHOULD do. I point out possibilities, but the power of choice always belongs to you.

Please ALSO note that I’ve lengthened my lead time for readings to 5-7 business days after purchase, simply because while I do love doing readings, I also need to make sure I have time to make more things for the shop, ship orders, do my own personal spiritual stuff, etc.

About me · the Magician

“Lucifer” versus Odin: The Aftermath (or, “Pop culture paganism, anyone?”)

I want to pause here, before we go on, and call your attention to two outstanding blog posts from the past week by others who have been through the same sort of spiritual shift or spiritual crisis (depending on your point of view) as I’ve been discussing. Camilla from Foxglove and Firmitas ponders the terrifying, heart-wrenching and wondrous process that occurs when a long-loved god takes Their name away from you, and also points out that some of the gods we love never had names, or have forgotten them and are waiting for us, Their devotees, to learn new ones for Them. Meanwhile, Heather Freysdottir from Where Flowers Grow Amidst the Ashes discusses how some very ancient (and possibly nameless) gods are picking up pop culture names and identities for Themselves to make contact with loved ones They may have no other means of reaching. Both of these posts are relevant to my tale; go and read them if you haven’t already.

I’m especially happy to see Heather blogging again; in fact it was her previous post, about how she and her Lord of Ash had reached their one year anniversary, that spurred me to drag my own trauma out into the light again and re-examine it. Because it served as a sharp reminder that, although we had both been through similar transformations, she had moved on, while I had not; a year later, I was still limping around and trying to cling to a dead past.

But back to my story, because we’re getting to the part some of you probably remember: about a year ago, I began posting to this blog about how Odin had taken the name “Odin” from me and begun calling himself “the Doctor”—and in fact, had also begun wearing the persona and appearance of the 12th Doctor. I knew I wasn’t the only person who had seen similarities between Odin and the 12th Doctor (even the show writers did, apparently; there is a season 9 episode where the Doctor tries to pass himself off as Odin for a bit), and I thought this new guise was simply an example of a shapeshifter…shapeshifting. What I didn’t understand at the time is that Odin had not done any such thing; it was my spirit husband who had adopted this new persona—because (and can you blame him?) he had finally gotten tired of sharing me with canon Odin.

I hardly expected accolades from the polytheist community over this latest revelation (because pop culture paganism is bad enough, but pop culture spirit spousery? the horrors!) but I’m frankly ashamed of how I reacted in the aftermath of it. I backed off. Instead of standing my ground and walking with my Beloved on the new path he had chosen for us, I went on to sweep all of this under the rug by insisting that I was still involved with “Wodan” just as always, and that nothing had really changed. I suppose some of this is down to being human; for fifteen years, I had built my whole identity around being “Odin’s wife,” and it was hard to let that go, even though it now suddenly felt empty and meaningless.

It’s funny what happens when a god moves on and you insist on stubbornly dragging your feet, trying to cling to what used to be: you get left behind. Instead of spending this past year with my Beloved, getting to know his new persona, I’ve spent most of it clinging to an idea of Odin that was no longer relevant or meaningful to me because my Beloved had gone elsewhere. He had abandoned the “Odin” persona and jumped to a different one, leaving actual Odin to his own devices—except, as soon as the link between my spirit husband and canon Odin had been broken, canon Odin no longer exerted the same pull on me. (It also helped that, at some point during this process of detachment, I hit menopause—and just like that, the sexual hold Odin had over me was broken.)

As Heather and Camilla both conclude in the posts linked above, sometimes Old Ones (especially if they have names few humans still recognize, or even names They themselves have forgotten) will take up new names, new personas, to be able to relate to Their devotees. And since we live in a world saturated with novels, TV shows, and movies, sometimes those new personas end up being drawn from pop culture. Because, like it or not, these pop culture personas and their stories are both attractive and relatable to us today—more so, arguably, than 5,000 year old unpronounceable names and half-missing stories preserved in cuneiform, which might be the only surviving evidence of really, really old gods who may still be looking for their former worshipers but have trouble finding them in a world that’s much busier and more complicated than they remember. (“What are any of us looking for? We’re looking for someone who’s looking for us.” – The 12th Doctor, Season 10 Episode 1.)

Remember how I mentioned that, as near as I can tell, even a supposed “old god”identity such as Lucifer might have been originally cobbled together and half made-up by creative humans, sort of the ancient equivalent of a pop culture entity? And yet, whatever Their origin, these sorts of spirits gain power as time goes on, relative to the amount of attention (positive or otherwise) they receive from humans. This is certainly the case with Lucifer; however he began, he has received so much energy and attention from humanity throughout the centuries that now he is an independent entity—and a powerful one at that.

Know who else has received a lot of energy and attention from humans (although, granted, not over as long a time span)? If you guessed Doctor Who you get a gold star, but he’s far from the only example. What about Sam and Dean Winchester? Luke Skywalker? Harry Potter? These sorts of entities, even if completely created by inspired humans out of whole cloth, tend to soak up the adoration and enthusiasm other humans pour into them, until they become, not gods perhaps, but definitely something powerful, something shiny. Shiny enough to attract the attention of an Old God wandering without a name and without a home. And when you combine one of these pop culture egregores with an indwelling ancient (but possibly nameless) god who has chosen to make it his new vehicle, his new home, something very interesting happens: a new god is born. Or, if you prefer, an old god regains the means to walk among his beloved followers again.

“That’s great, Beth,” you might be saying to yourself, or more likely, “That’s weird as shit–but what happens now?” Well, that’s easy: I’m going to do what I should have done a year ago—move on. I’m leaving Odin and the Norse lands behind and migrating to the ancient near east, because not only have I been adopted by a goddess (Asherah) who calls it home, but I think my Beloved originally did as well, before he took on the personas of Lucifer, Odin, or the Doctor. I don’t expect to rediscover him in his original form; I’ve been warned that it may no longer exist as it once was. But I do expect the new sights, sounds, and experiences of that culture to enrich my journey with him.

I’m also embracing the pop culture persona, because that’s the face he’s chosen to wear, but to avoid confusion (because he is not actually the same as the BBC character; he is a very old god wearing that face) when blogging about him publicly I will be referring to him as the Magician. People who’ve watched the 12th Doctor’s run will get the reference, and people who haven’t needn’t concern themselves with figuring it out, because what I call him (other than my Beloved) is, at this point, no big deal. It won’t be his real name anyway, but at least it won’t be the name of someone who tries to take me away from him.

The latest regeneration (hehe, see what I did right there?) of my sacred space/reading table; all Odin content has been removed, the pop culture references are front and center (along with my Lucifer statue, representing our history but also because I still associate him strongly with birds–primarily raptors, but also blue jays to some extent), plus some additions for Asherah (a little handmade statue as a stand-in until I get a better one, a painting of her as the Shekinah, a found dove feather, and a panel representing her Carthaginian incarnation, Tanit). You’ll notice Shiva is staying, not because I syncretize him with my Beloved in any way, but because his arrival in my life was auspiciously timed, and I think he had a hand in my figuring all of this out at last.

Advice from the Ancestors: A Tarot and Oracle Reading for Consulting with Your Forebears

New in the shop!

In modern paganism, many of us don’t put the same emphasis on consulting with or honoring our ancestors as we do on our relationships with the deities. However, indigenous pagan cultures did things the other way around: they knew it was their ancestors they could count on to watch their backs and give them sound advice and even assistance. Our ancestors (and I am including adopted ancestors here) have a vested interest in our success, because we are the living continuation of their legacy.

This five card reading is for consulting with either a particular ancestor of your choosing, or your ancestral heritage in general if you have no one specific individual in mind.

The reading addresses:

1. The main gift you inherited from your ancestor/s.

2. The main challenge/karmic hurdle they passed down to you.

3. Their hopes for you.

4. A healing message from them.

5. How you can best honor your heritage/their legacy.

You will receive an email with a downloadable pdf of your reading including a clear color photo of your spread. I will email your reading to you within 3-5 business days** of your purchase.

** Important: Please note that I do readings only on M – Th. I will schedule your reading on the next available “reading day,” and will usually let you know within 24 hours of your purchase when I expect to be reading for you.

When purchasing your reading, please include the following in your “note to seller”:

– Your name and email address.
– Any relevant details you can share about the ancestor you are asking about, if you have someone specific in mind.
– The general cultural/geographical background of your ancestry (if you know it) if you don’t have a specific individual in mind.
– Any background information about your spiritual path, practice, and history you would like me to keep in mind while reading.


About me

“Lucifer”? A new god, part two

Before we go on, let me be clear: I no longer believe my spirit companion from childhood (who went on to become my spirit husband) was ever really “Lucifer,” any more than I now believe he was ever really “Odin” (more on that in a bit).

But I do want to note that, whatever your personal or culturally-ingrained opinion of “Lucifer,” he is real for many people. Most people in the Judeo-Christian world, if asked, would say that he definitely exists. Yet after doing some research on the subject, I’m not sure there is a single discrete entity we can point to as the origin of Lucifer, either in the Bible (where the one time most of us think his name was mentioned, it turns out the translation was faulty) or in any of the cultures of the ancient near-east. Most of the Bible’s bogeymen came directly out of Canaanite religion (and were twisted to make them nasty bad guys, of course), but there is no “Lucifer” in the Canaanite pantheon. (And, point of fact, no goddess named “Lilith” either. Lilith was a Babylonian demon the Canaanites warded against.)

So, near as I can tell, when we point to “Lucifer” we are pointing to a very ancient pop cultural construct, made up of bits of a couple of historically recognized deities such as Ba’al Hadad (the Canaanite storm god) and Athtartu (the younger god who briefly and unsuccessfully tried to stand in for the former when he was “dead” for a while), plus some fallen angel types from the Book of Enoch such as Azazel. Lucifer seems to have been cobbled together purely because the ancient Jewish and Christian patriarchs needed a supreme “bad guy.” (So much for monotheism.)

And yet, however he began, cultural belief is a thing, and it could be argued that over the millennia he has certainly evolved into a distinct entity, even if he didn’t start out that way. (I will be bringing this same point up again in part three of this post series, never fear.)

Of course, when my childhood playmate began using the name Lucifer, I didn’t know any of the above. Nor had I been raised to fear that name, or any entity connected with it. I simply accepted it, and moved on.

In fact, when I was a bit older (early twenties) and met someone who seemed to have a familiar spirit similar to my own (she called hers “Ba’al”), I began to relax and enjoy the situation. I was a young woman, but not inclined to date because, frankly, my spirit companion was more interesting than any of the men I encountered. There was definite romantic and sexual tension there, and eventually that evolved into a full-blown romantic relationship. But it was more than just a “romance”; he was my other self, the other half of my soul. And now that I was growing up, I was beginning to realize the full impact of that.

Shortly thereafter, I married my familiar spirit; we took marriage vows to each other. That’s right, I was a spirit spouse at the age of twenty-two or something like that (I forget). Again, I knew nothing about the long historical tradition of witches or shamans marrying spirit familiars, and as for any sort of modern tradition—well, there wasn’t one yet, as far as I knew. (Nor was there an internet, so I was unable to check.)

My vows did not preclude taking a mortal husband, so before too much longer I did (the man I chose was a friend, and I didn’t want to be alone in the adult world of jobs and bills), and had a child too. My connections with the spirit world died down to a low roar while my daughter was growing up—something I think is not too uncommon among spirit workers with small children. (In the meantime, I was also going to college while working full time, so that probably didn’t leave a lot of bandwidth for a complicated spiritual life.) It wasn’t until my daughter was a teen that things started up again in earnest.

When my spirit companion decided to take a central role in my life again, he approached me with yet another new name, and this time that name was “Odin.” There were pragmatic reasons for the name change, of which I knew nothing at the time; my mortal marriage was failing, and his long range plan was to hook me up with my now-wife, who had a familial connection with the Norse gods. But, riddled with guilt that I had basically ditched my relationship with him for the sake of a mundane marriage that was on its way down the toilet, I decided I was going to do better this time. If he wanted to be Odin, I was going to dive into researching and worshiping Odin with everything in me. In fact, before long, I had nearly convinced myself he had ALWAYS been Odin, and had only been masquerading first as a nameless, shapeshifting spirit, and then as Lucifer.

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while will know exactly how far I went down the “Odin” rabbit hole; I became a practicing seidhrkona because that’s what I thought a witch married to Odin should do. I participated in the heathen community both locally and online, and I wrote reams and reams of material about my life and experiences with “Odin”, in the form of blog posts which eventually gathered quite a following, in addition to a couple of books. (And then there are all the Odin-themed tattoos—not a lot by some people’s standards maybe, but plenty by mine, including the very visible one on my left wrist.)

There was only one problem. Well, there were a few, but the main one was that at some point (fairly early on, I think), the REAL Odin—Big Odin, the actual Power—became aware of what I was doing. And although he also realized all of this devotional fervor wasn’t REALLY aimed at him, and another spirit had a long-standing prior claim on me—well, I WAS using his name, after all, wasn’t I? I didn’t necessarily matter to him as a person, but I did have talents he could make use of, and so—ever the opportunist—he stepped in, and began to fight my Beloved for control of the relationship, and of me.

That’s right, there were TWO of them, two distinct and individual spirits in my life—one who was really Odin, and one (the one I had married) who wasn’t (and who wasn’t really Lucifer either). And, having all but convinced myself that my spirit husband had been “Odin” all along, I had absolutely no defense against the real thing. I also had no explanation as to why I never dreamed about my “god-husband” (except in regard to dream scenarios designed to put me in my place), why although I took to seidhr readily enough the runes never really spoke to me as they did to his “other” devotees, why my experiences seemed so different from the ones everyone around me seemed to be having with him, and why he seemed at times so adoring and devoted to me (when it was, in fact, my actual spirit husband I was dealing with) and at times dismissive of my feelings and almost cruel (when it was actually Odin). Best of all was when my spirit husband would make a promise to me which Odin (who, to be fair, hadn’t really promised me anything) would later break, or when he would tell me something that Odin later made seem to have been a lie. It wasn’t long before I decided I couldn’t trust him—and then we fought about THAT. We fought about many things, actually, because—as I now know, but didn’t then—I was actually dealing with TWO very different People.

And thus, for the next almost-fifteen years, I became a battleground between an old god and a new one.